ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
