omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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