So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
