Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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