I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
