No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
