awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
