im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
