May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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