Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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