I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
