That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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