The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
