Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Less talking, more tequila
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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