Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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