Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
