matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
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