we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
