I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
