I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
