Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
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