Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
