I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
