I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
