Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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