His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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