I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
