Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
