I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
