He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
