it was like his penis was on wheels.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
