The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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