Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
