Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
