I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
