This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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