ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
