im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
