In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
