Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
