Ambien. No doubt about it.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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