she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
