My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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