the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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