I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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