I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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