this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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