he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im holly from the hills drunk
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
