Got a toothbrush?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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