you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
