i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
