he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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